I Am Still Me
As I lie in bed watching the sparkling waves of sunlight dance across my bedroom ceiling, I am filled with wonder and anxiety. I know that in 9 minutes, I will need to pull myself up by the boot straps and begin day 198 of my cancer journey. There is a quiet whisper in the fresh crisp morning air. A faint purr rising and falling from the breath of my cat. I feel like I am in a trance and everything that surrounds me like a brick wall will fall. When I wake up, I want all of the pain and suffering to disappear. I hope it will all have been a dream.
The crave for my life as it once was is still there. Although, everyday, I am learning to accept the new me. I know I don’t look the same. I just want my friends to stop staring at me with such an uncomfortable look on their faces. I want them to know I am still me….just a better version. Do not be afraid. You will not catch cancer from me. However, you will catch my spirit, my strength, and determination.
I wanted to blog specifically about this topic because it is something that I deal with every single day. I want you to know that no matter what you are going through right now, if you are disappointed with the way you look, or just disappointed in the way things in your life have gone, only you can change that. It has taken me some time to realize that no one can change me or do anything about my insecurities. I want everyone to have inner strength and know you are a beautiful person.
At the end of the day, what matters most is if you are happy, healthy, and you are living your life to the fullest. We have no way of knowing what the future holds. All we have is this moment. Make the most of it!
As always, I would like to thank Faith’s Army for all of your support, prayers and donations! T-shirts will be delivered soon!
I also want to thank my mom for taking care of me everyday and taking me to every single appointment, no matter how tired she is.
I welcome extra prayers for my Grandma Lolo. She has been very sick for the past few weeks. I love you, Grandma, I wish I could see you.